Beaufighter Blitz by Russell Sullman

Author:Russell Sullman [Sullman, Russell]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Endeavour Media
Published: 2019-11-07T05:00:00+00:00

Uphill, beside the rock upon which they had so recently been seated, there was a shifting of gravel and brush, and two figures emerged slowly as if from nowhere from the rocky ground.

One called up, “Bamford, you fucking twat, they saw you! If they’d been Jerry, you’d have a perforated pair of bollocks! Get that useless arse of yours down here right now!”

The other figure, huge and broad, brushed earth from his battledress, and swung his Lee-Enfield onto his shoulder.

“Shame, that, thought he was going to roger her right there on the rock. Would have been a nice show to break the monotony. She was a bit of a looker, wasn’t she, sir?”

“Chubby, you rascal, I’d have announced our presence well before he’d got her knickers off. Wouldn’t have been right to have ‘em go at it hammer and tongs in the middle of the platoon. Even if he was RAF.”

The officer raised his voice to a bellow, “OK, then, gentlemen, it’s time for a bite to eat.”

All around them, as if by magic, camouflaged figures appeared from their hidden positions in this mock-ambush site. The officer always found it useful to see how well his men could hide, and unsuspecting walkers never realised how many rifles were pointed at them as they used the path.

A shamefaced Bamford made his way downhill to the little group of Commandos.

The officer’s voice was stern, “Well! Why did you break cover, you simpering idiot?”

Bamford’s broad face was defiant. “Sorry, sir, I was dying for a piss. I didn’t know they were there. Once I saw ‘em I stood still.”

“In plain sight? Fuck me. A genius. How’re we going to win this shitty war?” The officer scowled, “Didn’t know they were there? Couldn’t you hear ‘em? Could have heard them a mile off.” He shook his head, “‘Strewth! We’d have been dead if it were the real thing. You’re lucky it wasn’t.”

His NCO took a swig from the tea, now somewhat cooled, pulled a sandwich from the abandoned knapsack, and took a huge bite. “Mm, Ploughman’s, delicious.”

Still chewing with enjoyment, he emptied the warm liquid from the tumbler into his mouth, and then threw it at Bamford.

His aim was true, and it hit the Private on the back with a dull metallic Cluuunk!

“Owww! Why’d you do that, Sarge?” frowned Bamford.

“To knock some sense into you, you silly cunt!” roared the NCO, “Next time, you thick wanker, I’m going to stick that ruddy rifle right up your fucking jacksie! We’ll see how still you can stand with that rammed up your useless fat arse!”

Bamford looked hurt, “Ain’t no call for that kind of talk, Sergeant. Can’t help it that I was busting. Couldn’t lay there and piss meself, now could I?” he replied reasonably.

Ignoring the reproving Private soldier, the grizzled mountain of an NCO turned his back and threw the remains of the sandwich into his mouth and chewed it furiously before it could make any attempt to escape.

Grinning and shaking his head, their officer checked his watch.

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